They are extremely bad, yet have achieved greatness. (The phrase I’d like is: “The Zachs were unique in that they were the worst. Ever. Yet they always were and always will be popular” or something near that to make it rhyme)

The three members were David Schnozzburg, who is beyong comparison to any mortal man, Zach Gofurton who played the drums, and Max Maxwell who air-guitarred with a foam battle axe, and played a red toy flute.

The Zachs produced one album, called “Heart-Shaped Grenade Thingy”

The Zachs originally could not decide on a name for their band (and don’t know how or why then ended up on The Zachs anyway) and debated between “Squidhead’s Hat” and “Maxwell Plus Two.”

The Zachs have never done anything for anybody, and are proud of it. (This part needs to sound like it’s a great accomplishment of theirs, the great humanitarians)

The Zachs often ended up attacking each other on stage with whatever was available.