Ryan Dahl: creating Node.js

Audrey Tang: Autodidacticism pusher, you spread this idea, it was you. Hug and embrace your internet trolls.

Ingy Dot Net: inspires creativity, amazing, Ingy once stepped out on stage completely naked at a tech conference. CPAN lord and master.

Jonathan Swartz: What did this guy do? Uh, don’t know. Why is Jonathan in this song?

Larry Wall: Making all the Perls. Larry is strapping in Hawaiian Shirts. Larry, why is Perl an Onion?

John Resig : John has the Secret techniques of top JavaScript programmers. John wrote books about his secrets for ninja programmer assassins.

Steve Souders: Making the web faster.

Jeremy Zawodny: Jeremy has a lot of cats. Jeremy likes Sphinx and MySQL, or maybe he hates Sphinx and MySQL because he merged them at Craig’s List.

James Gosling: YOU made the JAVA HELL.

Igor Sysoev: PubNub uses Nginx (pronouced “Engine X”). Igor helped those Ruby on Rails folks, creating the greatest free proxy software load balancer.

Rasmus Lerdorf: What took so long to add Closures to PHP? And why no lexical scoping in PHP? IT IS NOT SCOPE LEAKAGE.

Linus Torvalds: Builder of the right way! The force worthy of cosmic points for creating Linux.

Bjarne Stroustrup: C Plus Plus, Lame. You created this high level compiler out of BS.

Guido van Rossum: Thanks for the Python!

David Heinemeier Hansson: Made Ruby Sexy with Rails.

Yukihiro Matsumoto: Ruby is Awesome. Ruby is Sexy.

Brendan Eich: JavaScript Origin Master. First it was called Mocha, then LiveScript.

Eight core contributors formed the foundation of the original Apache Group: Brian Behlendorf, Roy T. Fielding, Rob Hartill, David Robinson, Cliff Skolnick, Randy Terbush, Robert S. Thau, Andrew Wilson

Jarkko Hietaniemi: Master Librarian, Comprehensive Perl Archive Network. The CPAN Disclaimer is REALLY OUTDATED. Ruby Gems outshining CPAN, end of an era?

Mark’s a huge fan of pretty much all of your songs so as long as it sounds like Songs to Wear Pants To he’ll be happy. I don’t know what Clara likes but I know they’re marching in to Jens Lekman’s ‘You are the Light’ and Bright Eye’s ‘First Day of My Life’. Mark is dedicating Death Cab’s Passenger Seat to Clara because he’s always hoped and imagined that someday he and Clara would be doing this together. Mark is also dedicating Darwin Deez’s Radar Detector to Clara because they fall asleep inside mattress stores. It’d be great if you could also somehow incorporate elements of these songs and/or how they’re meaningful to Mark and Clara into your song!

Also, I’d like an announcement at the end of the song on how food waste goes into one receptacle and cornware dishware/cutlery goes into the other receptacle. Plus, a quick mention that donations into Mark and Clara’s wishing well go towards drilling a water well to improve the lives of developing communities. Mark and Clara are worried that their guests would miss the giant signs with ‘Plastics’, ‘Food Waste’, etc on them and I think they’d find it amusing that my solution to that problem is to get you to write a verse about it.

Finally, I turned to the couple themselves to tell me more about their love and their quirks on the pretext that I was preparing a quiz for their wedding guests with sweet prizes. Confusingly (but adorably), Mark answered on Clara’s behalf and Clara answered on Mark’s. Here are their replies (thanks for the list of questions!):-

Q: Tell me about where and how you grew up!

Mark (by Clara): mark grew up in boarding school in japan where he developed a love for skiing and er, slides and big open spaces. mark was shorter than everybody else until jc where he then became taller than everybody else.

Clara (by Mark): In primary school I used to catch lizards and err I still do. In secondary school I was embarrassed about how the pinafore shows off students’ armpits, so I would always wear the same jacket to school, despite it maybe being swelteringly hot. Smelly jacket.

Q: Tell me about how you met!

Mark (by Clara): mark’s version states that he became interested in me when i was talking to a friend about imogen heap. he was my vcf cell leader. he also started asking the cell during dinner one night about what they looked for in a partner, and paid close attention to my response :p that i wanted someone who would do missions with me someday. i suppose that is how the story begins. i have a different version though.

Clara (by Mark): I went down to some cell group in University because of my friend. After that cell group I kind of wanted not to go back but the irritating cell group leader called me and faked me into committing to the cell group by giving me a role to play in the cell group. The cell group leader was Mark.

Q: List your hobbies!

Mark (by Clara): rock climbing. music. wilderness and mountaineering pursuits. skiing and snowboarding.

Clara (by Mark): I enjoy listening to indie music and going to gig. I like to make cinammon rolls and make a mean potato salad. I like sleeping.

Q: Tell me about your achievements and aspirations!